When given really good (or really bad) news we all react in different ways. That isn’t to say people who don’t have an overly expressive reaction care less. Recently, on a family trip to Laughlin, I won $500. I was ecstatic.. on the inside, however I didn’t jump up and down or scream or do anything over the top. My mom commented that she would’ve been yelling and I thought to myself, “Why am I not more excited?” Later I realized that I had been genuinely and completely elated I just didn’t express it the same way as my mom would. For a very long time Ive had this idea that I cant express my excitement in an outward fashion. I don’t know where this notion comes from, maybe I don’t want to be boastful; maybe I’m too concerned what others think. But really I think its that I’m a thinker. I take time to think about things and to process them. Even more recently a family member received devastating news. When my mom told me the news I didn’t cry, I didn’t hug my mom, I didn’t really react at all. I asked questions and did what i do best.. I started processing. I’m sure that its not the reaction most would give but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t have the same impact on me that it did my other family members. I’m just not good at these kind of things. The best way for me to express myself is to write it down. But know this.. I love more deeply than most and although I may look and sound fine my heart aches the same and my prayers are as constant as yours.
I haven’t always been this way and I’ve started to see my “poker face” when it comes to dealing with emotions as a flaw but maybe its a strength. I still feel everything and am very much an emotional person but have this strange ability to keep it together when it counts. I can be strong for my family when they need it most. I know there will come a day when I will need them to be my strength so I’m glad to be that person for them now.
There was a time in my life when I would drive around, look down at my ring finger and my mind would drift. I would daydream about what my engagement ring and then wedding ring would look like and what the man who put the rings on my finger would be like. How would we meet? Where would we live? What places would we travel to? Now that i’m married to the only one who ever made me feel like I deserved the world and more, my mind still drifts. I now daydream about our firstborn. What will he look like? Will she be healthy? How old will I be when I have him? I cant wait to be a mom and I cant wait to see Andrew be the amazing father I know he will be. We do want children and soon but first things first; My prayer is that I can get and stay healthy and experience low levels of pain so that all my questions about motherhood can one day be answered with the amazing blessing of a baby.
So I’ve been totally neglecting this blog and been feeling horrible about it but with summer here I plan to be posting more often.
Heres what you’ve missed:
http://instagram.com/p/XyzPG7MM9L/ I found out im not black.. it came as a real shocker
http://instagram.com/p/YWUhWZMM0K/ Decided to start drinking Patron since apparently im mexican.
http://instagram.com/p/Y6fm21MM5p/ Bought a new bathtub since mine was waaay to small. mightve overestimated the size of my bathroom
http://instagram.com/p/Y_XmURMM7C/ Took a photography class (not really, im just THAT good)
http://instagram.com/p/ZgXlhMsM2v/ http://instagram.com/p/Zgw61NMMxr/ He took me out to the ball game, pushed me and made me hit my head*. Im pretty sure all he was supposed to do was buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks.
http://instagram.com/p/ZrZJuxMM5-/ Adopted this adorable little guy. We call him Oliver
http://instagram.com/p/aEb82PMM8-/ Started a new drinking crew. We call ourselves ZOTS. If your last name doesnt start with one of those letters then im sorry to say you are not welcome to join.
And most recently- Yesterday I celebrated Fathers Day with mi papa. It was a great day with great people (my family, duh) great food and a great dad. On a side note– we all watched “The Impossible” If your menopausal, premenstrual or prego I suggest NOT watching that movie unless you like crying uncontrollably.
*My husband did not actually push me, i’m just clumsy and fell
It has been about two weeks since my pain (at this level) started. I’ve dealt with headaches for years however never anything like the ones I’ve gotten in the past two weeks. Every joint in my body hurts. My muscles hurt. My hands, feet and legs cramp up. I can’t keep any food in me. The stomach thing is also something I’ve dealt with for years. The purpose of this post isn’t for you to feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for myself. But my pain is now having an effect on my ability to have a “normal” life so I feel I owe all those in my life an explanation. I’m not trying to be flaky or unreliable; I miss you all! With my pain being so unpredictable it’s hard for me to make plans and when I do I almost always have to cancel because I end up being sick. I will never make plans to go out to eat with you because my stomach will be causing me pain and discomfort within half an hour of eating. I have no idea what is causing my pain, I just keep going to the doctor and getting test run and praying that I will have an answer soon. For the most part my labs keep coming back normal so I’m starting to feel like this is something that I may just have to deal with. Like I said before, I don’t feel sorry for myself. However, knowing that I make just always have chronic pain frustrates me. We have plans to attend a wedding this weekend and go out to a fancy brunch at a beach front hotel the next day. For most this is something to look forward to. For me it’s a plague of questions: How will my stomach react to the dinner at the wedding? Am I going to be in so much pain that I can’t dance with my husband? Am I going to have such a horrible headache that I don’t want to mingle or enjoy the company of other wedding guest?
Hopefully this will pass but if this is something I am going to have deal with long term then I definitely need to find a better way to deal. I currently am taking a pain medication which seems to help lessen (not eliminate) my pain. I also now have a great headache medication (the trade-off is that is makes me sleepy so I have to be careful when I take it). So far, I have nothing to help with my stomach. My brother swears by greek yogurt so I’m going to give it a try. I don’t care for yogurt however I will force myself to eat it every day if it helps me. Any other suggestions are so very appreciated. I refuse to let whatever is going on with my body control my life. I apologize to my friends and family who have indirectly been affected, it has nothing to do with you and I hope that now you have a little bit of insight as to what I’ve been dealing with and can forgive me. I look forward to seeing you all very soon!
Lastly I must mention my husband, Andrew. He has been so amazing throughout our relationship. Ever since the beginning he has had to deal with my stomach and headaches. He has been incredibly understanding and has taken great care of me. (Side note- JUST NOW my leg cramped up so bad I had to stand up and walk it off for a few minutes) Back to Andrew- He knew that his life would be one of taking care of me and being by my side while I dealt with all of this and he still married me. We’ve had many dates and trips cut short or spent with me sleeping it off. And now with my joint and muscle pain, I’ve fallen in love all over again. How can I have such a loving, caring and kind husband? He may be tired of all this or annoyed by it but he never expresses it. He constantly makes my days better by making me smile and laugh. He keeps me grounded and sane. He deserves the world and more and I will do everything in my power to make sure he knows he is Oh So LoVed and appreciated.
Got the Monday blues? Not me. Just looking at these pictures from my weekend puts me in a good mood. The weather was perfect for long walks, quality time with family and good hair days. Hope yours was as great as mine. Enjoy your week and remember, only 4 more days til the weekend.
anything4celinas on Instagram
On December 31, 1985 my mother gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She named me Celina Michelle Olvera. My moms dream was to watch me and my brother grow, to love us and support us and help us develop into beautiful, strong individuals who would one day give birth to their own beautiful children. She dreamed that we would be best friends. She dreamed of a wonderful life. My moms dreams for her life didn’t exactly pan out. Her marriage to my dad fell apart, twice. She had a closet full of skeletons. She went from one abusive relationship to another. Addiction ruined her life. On October 31, 1992 she survived being shot in the head. I’ve heard what happened that night but there is still apart of me that believes there is much more to the story. My mom went through phases where she was sober and healthy but since she never stuck with her recovery programs she always fell back into her old ways. Her rock bottom was letting a man into my cousins house who ended up stealing all of my cousins jewelry including her wedding ring. I was so mad at her, I didn’t even want to look at her. I thought she was selfish. I thought I couldn’t forgive her. I thought wrong. My heart was broken. I cried like I’ve never cried before. I felt a sense of fear and loss that I had never known. I thought my mom was going to kill herself. I forgave her quickly and truly. I prayed for her soul. I prayed for forgiveness for myself for having anger in my heart towards her. I prayed for God to save her life. God answers prayers, I promise you that; my mom has been in a recovery home for almost two months now. She will be in there for at least another year. I saw her two weeks ago but it was the first time I had seen her in years. The real her. Her happy, healthy self. Her eyes full of life and hope. Her cheerful smile. She was elated as she talked about how she got to ride a horse for the first time. I felt an overwhelming sense of joy and love as she talked to us about all that shes learning about the Bible, about how shes learning that her way is clearly not the right way and that shes ready to change. She has been given an opportunity to change her life and she is taking full advantage of it. I know she still has such a long way to go and I know she has made mistakes but I am so proud of her, proud to call her my mom. When my mom pictured how her life would be I’m sure this is not what she envisioned however I know that better days are coming. I look forward to having my mom back and to the day that I get the privilege of being her best friend.
I fell in love with You again today. I fell in love with all that You’ve sent my way
I fell in love because You loved me first. I fell in love because You quenched my thirst.
You taught me all that I know, taught me who I am and You know who I will be all because You live inside of me.
Sometimes its hard for me to understand but I trust that You have a plan.
My doubts and fears come and go but my faith in You will never do so.
At the end of the day all that remains- my love for You and Yours for me.
I was blind but now I see:
You loved me first, but knew I needed a love to feel and touch here on earth.
You sent me a man to love, You sent me a husband from up above.
I fell in love with him again today, I fell in love with the one you sent my way.
Welcome to Some Crust Bakery (909) 621-9772
This is the bakery that we used for our wedding cake and we are so glad we did. We had our reception at the Vellano Country Club (Inland Empire Weddings | Banquet locations in Inland Empire, CA | Vellano) in Chino Hills, CA. Our cake was covered in the cost of the venue; we were given two bakeries to choose from however we never even made it to the second one because our experience with Some Crust was so good. It was probably one of the best parts of planning the wedding (second to the food tasting). Their neapolitan cake was/is absolutely the best wedding cake I have ever had; my only regret is not making all four tiers this flavor. When it came to decorating the cake, all we did was tell them over the phone what we wanted and they delivered. They made the process so easy for us and I couldn’t have dreamed of a more perfect cake! I have used them several times since our wedding and will definitely use them for our vow renewal (2016).
When our house flooded last year we were presented with the opportunity to get rid of all the horrible “improvements” the previous owners had made. Here are some before and afters of our bathroom.
If it doesn’t look that bad to you keep in mind I took these pictures to make the bathroom look good because I thought I was going to have to live with it for at least another 5 years. The door was put on backwards and had wooden panels nailed to it, the tile was horrendous and wasn’t even cut to fit around the toilet, there was wall paper on top of wall paper.. need I go on? And there was no hope for the shower area, hence there are no pictures.
We moved to the house on Walnut St the summer before I started 5th grade. I ate snickers ice cream bars on 4th of July that year. I made my lunches on a card table and washed dishes in the bathroom sink while our house was renovated, although my parents will probably deny that I did dishes at all. My room was pale pink and decked out in flowers and butterflies. I felt like a princess since up to that point I had shared a room with my beautiful baby brother. I grew up in the house in Walnut St. I made my first real friends while I lived there. I experienced “first day of school” jitters 8 times, went to my first dance and kissed my first boy all while living in the house on Walnut St. The fights I had with my parents and brothers are countless. I fell in love and experienced the unbearable pain of a broken heart for the first time. I succumbed to drinking alone on occasion. I spent many summer days tanning and relaxing in the spa. I had my car stolen (twice), was put in the hospital (twice), and hit myself in the head with a bat(once). I had the privilege of being raised with goats, chickens, ducks, rabbits, pigs and a horse in my backyard. I met my husband for the first time as well as got ready for my wedding in that house. I grew up from the girl who knew it all and resented my parents for telling me otherwise to the young woman who has everything to learn and realized that my parents were pretty much always right. I will never forgot the time we had together in the house on Walnut St, the time in our lives when we were a family of 5.
Recently I drove to the house on Walnut St for the last time. It was the definition of bittersweet. The bitter part is obvious- saying goodbye to the place I called home for so many years. The sweet part? The house on Berkeley Ave. Its my parents new house. It is the house where we will create new memories. The house where our first child will go to visit their grandparents. The new house where we will laugh, cry, love and do whatever else God has in store for us.
Enjoying a beautiful afternoon at the house on Walnut St.